Day 6: My First Adventure

          Today I had my first Tanzanian adventure: I destroyed the pluming in our guest house.  And much, much, more.
          And it wasn't even all that hard, really.

          Okay, so here's the whole story.  I got up late that morning, baba had already left for the main house.  As was my custom, I went into the bathroom to take a shower.  I took my clothes with me and put them, as I had previously, on the pipe to the toilet.  I did this because there were no towel bars or anywhere else to put my clothes and keep them off the floor.  And I would like to reiterate that I had done this before with no ill consequences.  And I would further like to point out that the pipe was not a metal pipe, but a flimsy plastic one that only looked like it was made of metal.  So it really wasn't my fault when, no sooner had I just touched the pipe, than it broke free from the wall and began spraying me with a jet of water.
          Desperately I tried to reattach the pipe, thinking that it had merely snapped free and could be pooped back in place.  Water was spaying everywhere, soaking me, soaking my clothes.  The pipe would not reattach, and I had to face the realization that it was well and truly broken.  I did, however, manage to stem the flood of water.  There was only one thing to do now, get someone to turn off the water.  But I was all alone in the guest house.  I was the proverbial dutch boy with the thumb in the dike.  Only I couldn't remember what the proverbial dutch boy had done after using his thumb to get help.  I thought, however, that he had just...waited.
          Wait.  Right.  I could do that.  Just stand here holding up the pipe until someone came to check up on me.  That shouldn't take but, oh...a couple of hours.  I'd like to report that I came up with some clever way to block the water while I went and fetched a wrench and single-handedly fixed the problem.  Failing that, I'd like to say that I calmly and rationally thought of some way to signal for help and get someone to turn off the water.  Failing that, I'd like to say that my baba just happened to walk in at that very moment and rushed to my aid.  Yup, any one of those would have been fantastic, compared with what I actually did do.
          In fact, I think I'll just end my tale here.  I leave it up to you to pick which ever ending you like best.  Yes, yes, I think that is the best solution for all parties involved, namely me.
          What are you doing, still reading this post?  The story is over.  Done.  Finished.  There is nothing of any further interest for you to read here.  Just pick your ending and go read another post.  Maybe my one about First Class airline seats.  I also have great packing suggestions you can read about here.  Like card games?  I've got a fantastic Tanzanian card game that I highly recommend, you can read about it here.
          Let me guess.  You're still reading this post.  Come on, can't you cut me a little slack?  There's so many other great posts of mine to read.  Like this one.  Do you really have to finish this post?  If you really were my true friend, you'd stop read this post.  Right now.
          Alright.  Fine.  You win.  Obviously there is nothing more interesting in the universe than this post.  I'd be honored, but in this case, I really could do without such great esteem.  You want to know what happened next?  I'll tell you.
          I ran.  I dropped the pipe.  Flung open the bathroom door.  Leapt through.  Slammed it shut behind me.  To trap in the water, see.  Then I ran.  Across the room.  Out the door.  WhatdoIdo.  WhatdoIdo.  WhatdoIdo. Ah-ha!  Neto!  He can help me!
          "HelpthepipeisburstandwaterisgettingeverywhereaddIneedyoutoturnitoff!"
          Neto waved at me.  Cheerfully.
          Somehow, I didn't think he understood what I was trying to communicate to him.  Maybe I was talking too fast.  Maybe he just didn't understand me.  Whatever the reason, I really didn't have time to figure it out and get his help.  It was all down to me, and only me.  Only I could could halt the torrent of water that threatened to destroy the guest house.  I was the man of the hour.  The man with the mission.  Tate was on the case.  Cue mission impossible theme music.
          Alright, there we go, that's more like it.  Gotta look cool, gotta look cool.  Did I over do it?  Nah, man, I'm golden, I'm golden.  Where was I?  Oh yeah, the burst pipe!
          Hurriedly I ran around the small guest house looking for the main water line.  There!  A couple quick twists and the day was saved, by Tate - In Tanzania!  (Dramatic Drum Roll).
          Okay.  That's it.  Story over.  The good guy beat the bad guy, or water pipe, as the case may be.  The good guy won, and the bad guy was shut off.  You get the picture.  Now go read another blog.
          You're doing it again.  Reading after I expressly told you not to.  Didn't your parents teach you to be obedient?  I know, I'll use a Masaai eye-lock, so that you won't be able to read beyond the end of this sentence.
          It didn't work, did it?  You really want to know all the gory details, don't you?  I just want to let you know how disappointed I am in you.  Really, really, disappointed.  It makes me weep inside.  That didn't work either, did it?  Okay, I know when I'm beat.
          Sigh, pant, pant.  The water was turn off.  Now I just had to deal with the water that had already sprayed all over the bathroom.  I peeked inside to see how things were.  There was halfway across the bedroom.  That door to the bathroom.  The one I had shut to keep the water inside.  It didn't go all the way down to the floor.  And the bathroom was actually a step higher than the bedroom.  So all the water went there.
          But that's not all, oh no.  You wanted every last detail, here it is.  By the doorway to the bathroom.  In one inch of water.  Guess what I saw.  Just guess, I dare you.  Wrong.  It was my laptop.  In fact, after my clothes, it was probably one of the first things to get thoroughly soaked in water.  I might as well have taken a shower with it.
          And it gets better.  For you see, my backpack was on top of my laptop.  The backpack in which I had carefully packaged everything in Ziploc bags so that, should the backpack, by some freak accident, like say, a broken water pipe, happen to get wet, nothing inside would be ruined.  And it was perfectly dry.
          I jumped up and down.  I wailed out loud.  I prayed to God that my eyes were deceiving me.  Then I picked up the laptop.  It was off, which gave me the smallest spark of hope.  You see, the reason why water destroys electronics is because it is electrically conductive.  It lets the electricity run wild, flowing in direction and at voltages the circuit was not built to handle.  So maybe my laptop would be alright.
          Then again, computers usually always had some current running through them keeping time, taking care of things.  You can actually fry yourself by messing with a desktop computer that's turned off but still plugged in.  So maybe I was doomed.  Only time would tell.
          I removed the battery to my laptop and wrapped it in a blanket.  Then I went for help with all the water.  I could ask Neto, who was still busy working outside.  But he looked so busy, I didn't want to disturb him.  Instead I went inside the house and told my Uncle Tereveli.  I know you're not interested in how that conversation went, so we'll just skip ahead five minutes to when I dragged my uncle and baba into the guest house to show them what I was talking about.
          My Uncle confirmed that the pipe was broken, but he had zero tools with which to fix it.  So I couldn't save my ruined honor by fixing the problem myself.  Uncle Tereveli would have to pay a plumber to come out and fix it.  Until then, we had no water.  Nothing else was damaged by the flood, just my laptop.
          But wait!  The story's not over.  You wanted the whole thing, and now you're going to get it.  I'm going to drag this story out so long, your going to beg me to stop so that you can go read something else.
          After that we just sat, and waited.  And waited.  And sat.  I had decided to let my laptop dry out for a full 24 hours, so I had nothing to do.  Except sit and wait.  Wait and sit.
          After that we just sat, and waited.  And waited.  And sat.  I had decided to let my laptop dry out for a full 24 hours, so I had nothing to do.  Except sit and wait.  Wait and sit.
          You know, its wise to not make threats unless you know how you're going to fulfill them.  I probably should have dragged out my story before I got to the end of it.  Ah well, live and learn, and then get pizza.  With Root Beer.  Or something like that.
          Incidentally, the hot water in the guest house never worked from that day forward.  But that is clearly a completely unrelated event.  And that's my story, and I'm sticking to it.


E’ya! - Tate


Jump to: Day 5 or Day 7


P.S. - I wrote this on my laptop, just in case you were wondering.