What I would do for a Root Beer

          To my everlasting dismay and horror, I have discovered that evidently no one outside the US has ever heard of, let alone tasted, the best (and first) soft drink ever created: Root Beer. Since this shocking discovery, I’ve been rather ill, suffering from:

          •   Spasms and uncontrollable shaking.
          •   Strong urges and cravings for Root Beer.
          •   Disjointed thinking interrupted by visions of Root Beer.
          •   Hallucinations of Root Beer in various unreachable places.

          I have decided to self medicate by drinking a liter of Root Beer at the next opportunity. And no, I’m not addicted to Root Beer, it is simply the best soda ever created and I pity anyone who doesn’t have it as their favorite as well.

          Meanwhile, to cope with my Root Beer Separation Anxiety I’ve formulated a list of things I would be willing to do for a liter of the divine brew:
          •   Climb Mount Everest.
          •   Kiss an Octopus.
          •   Go Sky diving
          •   Fight Darth Vader
          •   Enter a Sumo Wrestling competition
          •   Pay 1,000,000,000 rupees
          •   Race in the Indy 500
          •   Climb a magical bean stalk and fight a Giant
          •   Get sawed in half (Note: my lower half gets it’s own liter of Root Beer)
          •   Build a Giant Robot that runs on Root Beer.
          •   Pilot the Space Shuttle (Note: I’d do this anyways)
          •   Navigate an ancient 3,000 year old ruin that no one else has discovered even though the locals know about it, with fully oiled and working death traps to collect a ancient bauble of absolutely no value, though it somehow holds the fate of the world, while never getting scratched once, even though everyone else in my crew dies, except of course my latest beautiful but useless female companion, just like Indiana Jones. (Funny isn’t, how many different civilizations had the capacity to destroy the world 3,000 years ago? Good thing none of them did…)

          If you would like to see me do any of these things, buy a liter of Root Beer and leave me a message in the comments below.


          Root Beer! Wait, false alarm, just a squirrel. I wonder if the squirrel has ever had Root Beer? I should as him. And then he’ll lead me to his secret stash of Root Beer and we’ll become blood brothers and it will all become mine. All the Root Beer in the world will be mine…


          So, in short, SEND ME YOUR ROOT BEER!!!


E’ya! - Tate